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Friday, March 18, 2016

The Peace Has Arrived

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Last week was a whirlwind. I am back in the states and completely in awe with what occurred in Honduras, and how God worked in my heart and in others. First and foremost, I want to thank all of you. Each one of you made a huge impact on my decision with going back to Honduras to serve. The preparation it took, the fundraising and the prayers gave me much peace and consolation in knowing I was called to go back. If one of you backed out on not supporting me or this mission, it wouldn't have gone the way it did, so thank you all as an individual person to me and as my family.

As I try to reflect on the past seven days there is a lot of peace and stillness in my heart. I draw in a lot of deep breaths as I try to gather my thoughts to put them into complete sentences. God was able to work on me throughout this trip in a very internal, slow and peaceful way.

I felt a lot of uselessness, isolation and discomfort..and not in a physical way. I came into Honduras having a few intentions hoping that God would tie those last few knots away and store those up in the 'healing' section of my life..God doesn't work that way. He has His own plan, and since I tell him continuously and in every Mass, that I surrender, He was really testing the waters with me and I felt he kept saying 'Do you trust Me yet? Are you ready to give me your heart? Can you take My hand and be with Me?'

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Yes, Lord, Yes I am. Our relationship abounded to over the mountains and through all of the depths of the sea through this mission trip, but in such a quiet not overwhelming way, because He doesn't push, He waits and He waits. If you're looking to grow in patience, just turn to Him, He's mastered that virtue.

Since I felt very isolated, and I didn't know anyone prior to coming on this mission, I didn't feel comfortable enough to go to my small group and let them in to the intimacy of my heart, so all I had was Jesus. I know, that is enough, but I am human and I fall...a lot. I had to console Him with the breaking of His heart for His children in Honduras, as He had to console me with my discomfort and isolation I felt all week. I couldn't confide in anyone and it made our relationship grow because all I had the desire to do, the whole time, was pray. And that, is enough. And that, is not useless.

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I was able to help the girls who we were staying with with their English homework and they absolutely loved seeing me try to speak Spanish to teach them as well as simultaneously teach them English. God really tested my patience without my knowing it. Praise God because I never felt irritated or agitated while helping them and when we were done with the 5 pages they had a huge smile on their face and I hugged them out of sheer joy and being so proud of them. They never got that, can you imagine, living your life never getting a pat on your shoulder or a good job or a smile from someone because of the good work you have done? They didn't know why I was hugging them and at first tensed up. I continued to show them the only way I knew how to love them, through physical touch. When I noticed they were not used to that, I never hesitated to put my hand on their shoulder and squeezed it as I passed them, or grabbed their hand whenever we were walking together, I wasn't afraid to show them that this was also a sign of love through another Sister. They slowly became more comfortable and on the last day, as we walked an hour from one church to another, one of the girls had her arm wrapped around my waist and refused to let go for the entire walk. They learned how to love in a new way, and they saw the pureness in all of it.

They will all forever be in my prayers, and I am excited to see them again.

Thank you again for letting me share this piece of my heart with you all, and helping me have this moment and many more that occurred to be in my heart.

If you're interested,  I also made a YouTube video showing Honduras too, you can click here to watch it.

Bendiciones a todos.

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xx, Lillie

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